dancing in the still point on the spiral journey of life

On being 61

I am 61 years old. Sometimes I squirm in my chair, feeling awkward in my changing body. I wonder if I’ve made valid decisions about life, work and children. I’ve made mistakes. I have a few regrets. I wonder how things might have been different.


Driving down the road, looking in the rear view mirror, I see that the road behind me stretches farther back than the one ahead.


The passing of time appears linear but it’s quite elastic. As a teenager, the thought of living to age 61 was unimaginable


As a parent, there were nights that felt eternal when one of my babies was sick and crying for hours. There were days that seemed like they would never end when chasing two girls as toddlers, constantly trying to keep them from harm. Tension created by adolescent drama made an hour feel like months. Then suddenly, they were off to college, graduating and starting their own lives. Now, I look back at the past and the time seems fleeting. I’ve lived in different places, in changing political eras, and raised children all in the blink of an eye.


Chronologically, time doesn’t go faster as I age but it does feel that way. It’s the same 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 24 hours I’ve always had. If I stay present and mindful, time does slow down momentarily. I’ve spent many years working on understanding myself, our family dynamics, learning to communicate, how to be emotionally, psychologically and spiritually healthy.


In the future, I expect to be better at practicing lovingkindness, compassion and mindfulness. I understand the constancy of change. I’ve learned skills to help me cope with change. I have a relationship with nature that guides me through lunar cycles and solar seasons. Curiosity and creativity provide me with incentive to continue to grow. I know that I’m part of everything, I’m made of stardust. My inner strength increases as I weather challenges and some of the ravages of time.


Should I be blessed to live until a ripe old age, I believe that my inner world will expand as my outer existence contracts. The road will become more narrow, until eventually it’s a footpath I take as I let go and experience death as another form of birth.



  1. Lisa on December 3, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Loran — your site looks awesome. I love all the pictures of you, and your writing touches me deeply as I can relate!! I look forward to being on this journey with you. xox

    • Loran Hills on December 3, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Thanks so much, Lisa! You are officially the first person to leave a comment on my new site! We are all on this journey together.

  2. Patricia on December 4, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Loran, it’s amazing here. Wide open and expansive, like so many of your photos :)) I’ve felt this shift in myself too, most dramatically this past year. I’m enjoying it tremendously, and I resonate completely with what you say about your ‘inner world expanding as your outer existence contracts’. <3
    Patricia recently posted..Angel Art DollMy Profile

    • Loran Hills on December 4, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      Patricia, I’m so glad that you “get” what I’m saying! Thanks for taking the time to comment!

  3. judy on December 4, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    This is a new site, Loran? Then I must say Hello, I’m so glad to have discovered you today! How interesting and comforting to hear your over 60 point-of-view. I, too, am a Brazen Wild Woman who’s not quite as comfortable with the idea of dying as I was before 60. And how bizarre that only now, so late in life am I interested in growing up and becoming mature. So I’m looking forward to following your blog.

    • Loran Hills on December 4, 2014 at 8:38 pm

      Yes, Judy, brand new! Hello! I’m just now growing up too.

  4. Toby on December 5, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Wonderful site Loran – it looks great!

    • Loran Hills on December 5, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      Thanks, Toby! Nice to hear from you.

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